CURRENT [DNRC] RELEASES

The Point Breaks: "What's the Point?"

DNRC63 Format: E.P. Released: 2010 Status: DELETED And well may we ask. What's the point of classifying "share-house" as a musical genre? And who bothered to buy milk this morning? Not us, and not The Point Breaks, it seems. Formed from the detritus of The Points, a sand-case trio with a penchant for EMO who disbanded after their lead singer was caught sniffing pencil leads, The Point Breaks really state the obvious on the opening and title track on this treacly and appalling release, whining: "What's the point of Point Break?" But that's not really the point either. The point is not what's the point but where. Where was Point Break actually filmed? If not at the infamous Bell's Beach in Victoria, Australia (as maintained by Patrick Swayze and Keanu "Whoa" Reeves in the film itself), then where? And if not somewhere else in Australia then how did the producers of the film manage to locate an authentic Victorian paddy wagon (or police vehicle) for use during the film's closing sequence? The Point Breaks fail miserably in their attempts to answer these and otehr burning questions on this flimsy train-wreck of an E.P., prompting one reviewer to question the wisdom of leaving the record button on, even for these four miniature-length songs. ""What's the Point?" How the freak should I know? And who cares anyway?" seethed a suitably appliqued Clint Bo Dean upon hearing the E.P. for the first time. "Geez," he was later heard to mutter, after hearing it for a second time, "I wish I could get away with something as hideous as that." "Oh, I see, yes, you're right - I already did," the pathetic crooner was then forced to admit, after being shown a copy of his own DNRC debut, Never Go Ashtray. And the similarities don't end there, with both releases having been unceremoniously deleted just miliseconds before their sad and irrelevant cover artwork was banned by several record retailers, due to unspecified political inferences. And that, we guess, is precisely the point - (them's the) breaks.

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Critics: "No Idea"

DNRC62 Format: L.P. Released: 2010 Status: DELETED Critics spent most of the year 2010 panning other bands' records - hence there's not much actually to speak of here, on their debut album for DNRC, except perhaps bitterness in the form of lead single "Sourer Than Lemon", an apparent reference to an argument within the band about the merits or otherwise of the U2 song "Lemon". Listen for yourself to find out who came out on top in that reportedly "heated" live-to-air debate. Elsewhere, "Pre-Green" discusses the pros and cons of REM's career prior to and post-major-label-debut-album, Green, with the title hinting at the band's predictable conclusion; similarly, "No Longer, Dirty" disses the career of Sonic Youth post-Goo, with devastating consequences for their relationship with former producer Lee Rumour (yes, he of Rumour and The Four Calling Birds infamy), who can be heard during the final bars of the song staking his professional career on the brilliance of NYC Ghosts & Flowers, only to be met by howls of derisory feedback from the guitars of all five members of Critics, thus signalling the end of the argument altogether. The other seven songs on this dawdling release name check various 80s bands, with the result that 2010 seemed to come and go like a tram running late, and still Critics had no idea. Hence the album title, we suppose, and hence the deletion of this extremely tedious and argumentative piece of nerd-pop mere seconds before its early release from the Tribesco Correctional Facility.

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Inspirational Magnets: "Pop and Lock"

DNRC61 Format: L.P. Released: 2010 Status: DELETED Having released their self-titled debut in early 1900, Inspirational Magnets took just one hundred and ten years to record the follow-up and boy, was the wait worth it. "Pop and Lock" updates the band's original manifesto for a new century, stopping off at various moments in C20 history along the way (the invention of electricity, the invention of music, the invention of the band). Brimming with new ideas and old shoes, this album defies easy categorisation, shifting midway between east and west coast sounds, transferring between three distinct subway lines, getting lost on the New Guernsey turnpike and finally turning up in the bargain basement bin in the Chadstone food court. Although hailed by critics as a major clue to an unsolved English murder mystery, lead singer Poppy Lock sheds all pretence of actual vocalisation on this release, refusing to even count in the band on opening number and astonishing nose-bleeder "Where We've Been". Three rapid-fire sonic assults later, the album shifts into overdrive, with the unspeakably evil bassline of "Sizzler" giving lie to the argument that nothing in the American suburban dreamscape is worth writing or singing about any more, despite the afore-mentioned lack of vocals or music on the track. While most things tend to roll downhill, "Pop and Lock" ends up at a complete shambolic standstill on its closing track, the movie-length "Trailer Trail" which proved to be the final coffin-nail in the band's already over-fileld ashtray, also sending the DNRC budget below ground level (not for the first time). The sad fact remains that this deleted spawn of bog-genius will forever remain unknown to all but the most rugged of Creed fans, most of whom have already denied owning it.

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Wasabi Peace: "Like, Dude"

DNRC60 Format: L.P. Released: 2010 Status: DELETED Formed by brother-sister act Meiko and Kenji Kawabata in order to challenge the common Western view that Japanese music is all about screaming, hari-kiri and feeling slightly "kooky" onstage, Wasabi Peace delivered this steaming collectiion of nose-jam and incendiary riot police uniforms in the death summer of 2010, when it seemed as if the whole world had gone blarney. Featuring crisp production (thanks to Clint Bo Dean at the t-shirt desk), a killer rhythm section (sadly absent on Bo Dean's own deplorable solo album) and a knack for songwriting (see previous comment in brackets (and also the one before that)), "Like, Dude" shimmers with the hope that perhaps one day DNRC will hit the black, in terms of its shoddy accounts section as well as its failure to release a single record on vinyl. While lead single "Shoot the Stinger" may have been topical back in 2006 when Wasabi Peace were learning their craft on the gruelling Melbourne alternative radio circuit, its political punch has been softened on the album version, with Meiko's vocal style more hanky-panky than Al Gore. The other ten album tracks (also released sequentially as singles in the Phillipines, to test Asian audiences' reactions to the band) are also suitably restrained, with the excption of incendiary streaker and album closer "Kill Bill Clinton", whose intent and lyrical content should be obvious, even to Al Gore's notoriously illiberal wife, Tipper. Problems would continue to haunt Wasabi Peace, however, and the brief war between Japan and Korea that closed off 2010 would, sadly, lead to the deletion of all of their singles and albums the following year, in accordance with UN Resolution 2011-a, prohibiting the distribution of DNRC "propaganda", a shamefully inadequate response to the war itself, not to mention the afore-mentioned Western cliche. Touche.

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Clint Bo Dean: "Never Go Ashtray"

DNRC59 Format: L.P. Released: 2010 Status: DELETED Dedicated to his friend and mentor Scaramouche, the long-awaited debut album from Australasia's finest Galaga player was met with lukewarm tea and biscuits upon its instant deletion in 2010. Citing "irreconciled accounts" and "bonus points disputes", Clint Bo Dean went into instant retirement after his album's shock deletion, telling reporters huddled around an unlit cigarette that it was time for him to "reinvent the real". Attempts by the reporters to persuade Bo Dean that he actually meant "reinvent the wheel" fell on his deaf rear or, to put it more accurately, were like a stone rolling off a gathering of mosses, birds in the back hand and gift horses without mouths. Clearly struggling to appreciate his own lack of musical talent, Bo Dean attempted on this album to fuse several musical genres (two-step, castrato, Jive Bunny) and one virtually dead language (Esperanto), with the result that the eleven tracks presented here (surely eleven too many) sound more like a hand grenade on fire than, ehm, "music". Reviewers at the time found it difficult to say anything at all about the album, with the result that it gained a grand total of zero stars from an even grander (though still zero) sum of zero reviews. It was then that realiy hit home, and Davey Dreamnation did the only honourable thing, namely - he decided to delete the sad thing completely, and move on to Mead's next release. No stars, once again.

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The Four Calling Birds: "Fa La La!"

DNRC580 Format: L.P. Released: 2009 Status: DELETED Disgracefully derivitive release from the band who once called themselves Rumour, in honour of Fleetwood Mac's album of almost the same name. Taking up where the Toilet Cleaners flushed off, The Four Calling Birds somehow convinced DNRC founder and Grade-A idiot Davey Dreamnation to sign them up for a four Christmas album deal sometime in late 2009. While the second, third and fourth instalments of this "deal" were thankfully never unleashed upon the already-suspicious ears of the music public, this album's very existence smacks of sell-out, from its barmy title right through to the album cover artwork, the track listing and credits, and even its serial number which, the discerning collector would already have noted, is listed as "580", despite only 57 releases having appeared before it in the seemingly never-ending pantheon of undiscovered stars that is the legacy DNRC has left behind for the benefit of the whole world, particularly its so-called "scientific" communities. But we digress. How this collection of (frankly) crass poly-filler ever came to be recorded, let alone released, is anyone's guess. One thing that can be said is that its deletion, though sad at the time, would later come in handy as proof of the existence of God, who alone knew what happened to The Four Calling Birds, three shipping containers filled with Rumour merchandise, two plectrums from a disastrous recording session and one slightly-bemused sea pigeon in a pear tree.

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Hoodie Over Heels: "Hoodie Over Heels"

DNRC57 Format: L.P. Released: 2009 (re-released 2012) Status: DELETED Otherwise known as the better-looking half of now-defunct comic duo Hoodie 'n' Heels, Hoodie Over Heels released this, her one and only blistering collection of heart-on-sleeve tear-jerkers in the summer of 2009, thus capitalising on the apparent inability of consumers to tell the difference between herself and her former band. Hoodie (whose chosen musical instrument, the melodion, would prove later to be her undoing) separated from former ghostwriter Heels after their humorous but gut-wrenching double comedy act failed to ignite the traditional RSL circuit, despite a total fire ban in place across the country. Citing "irreconcilable though amusing artistic differences", Hoodie immediately set herself up as Hoodie Over Heels, briskly recorded an eponymous debut album and promptly disappeared, prompting one music critic to label her a fraud and cahralatan, charges which she strangely never reappeared to contest. Rumour had it that a bizarre accident involving the jamming of her melodion tube up the nostril of an irate kangaroo led to a scuffle, or small scale fracas, in the petting area of a suspect "wildlife" park although, again, neither Hoodie nor her (now-seething) former partner Heels ever bothered to dispute the truth or otherwise of what Rumour actually claimed in their breathtakingly dismissive swipe-album, "Hoodie Hot On the Heels of Hootie". The fact that Rumour, who had long been seeking a place within the pantheon of DNRC, were later to re-form as the Four Calling Birds was seen by some as further proof that Davey Dreamnation, who unwittingly signed the band up for a four album Christmas box set, had again lost not only his marbles but his bird-cage bonker as well. An APB issued in order to discover Hoodie's whereabouts failed once again to locate the charming chanteuse. Finally Heels himself, despite his everlasting bitterness, agreed to re-record the ten tracks that make up this album, and re-release them, to moderate critical indifference, in the summer of 2012. Tragicaly, hip replacement surgery left Heels unable to walk, and he was forced to complete a gruelling twelve month tour in support of this masterwork's re-release in traction. Despite sales in the double figures, DNRC was finally left with no choice but to delete the album, and any record of its composer, from its catalogue of sadly deleted releases.

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Davey Dreamnation: "The Rise and Fall of Davey Dreamnation"

DNRC56 Format: L.P. Released: 2008 Status: DELETED Astonishing Tribesco-only import, re-packaging Dreamnation's original Islands In the Stream of Consciousness LP with one or two surprises - the first being opening track "Theme Song", a previously-unreleased call to arms. In addition, an extended version of the presumed-drowned "Scaramouche's Theme" sees Davey teaming with his llama pal to create a meteoric sensation in the ears of the listener - making this disc an essential part of any self-respecting Davey Dreamnation collection. Finally, an unbelieavly-rare recording of "Trailer", a diatribe against Hollywood deemed unreleasable when first recorded in 2002. In between, the best bits off Davey's debut. An attractive white packaging gives consumers one more reason to buy this testament to the fight against moroseness in pop. Or, at least, that's what one might have said, had this bootleg, just like all the others, not been deleted just as it appeared on the scene, sadly.

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Captain Sans Tenille: "Talk Like A Pirate"

DNRC55 Format: L.P. Released: 2007 Status: DELETED This blistering release from CST, his first for DNRC, came at an important moment in international sea-bed relations. Following his split with Tenille (due to artistic disturbances), Captain changed tack, switching to the highly emotive and moving sea-shanty format. What you get on this rocking release is sixteen tales of blubber, planks, bogus islands and strange treasure maps written in lemon juice. Opening track "Landlubbers Make Better Lovers (Not)" sets the tone, a stripped back instrumental dirge written for two mandolins and a harmonica. From here on in it's a freewheeling jaunt through the south, east, west and north seas, highlights including "Shoulder Parrot", "Ahoy!", "Don't Wear Two Eye Patches At Once" and the scintillating medley/madrigal "Strap Me To The Mast One More Time". Impossible to categorise, barmy as a barrel of dolphin meat, risky as sodomy and saltier than scurvy, this outstanding album from one of the world's great unacknowledged pirates deserves a place in any halfway decent sea-shanty collection. Sadly, however, both the album and its amazingly bad cover artwork were forced to walk the plank during a marathon DNRC budget session, leaving CST all at sea. Gangway!

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Heroin Archers: "Helium Parachute"

DNRC54 Format: L.P. Released: 2007 Status: DELETED Redundant release from Canberra's Heroin Archers, originally released in 2007 to coincide with their belief that they were on the verge of becoming Bona Fide, a name change suggested by their barmy management team of Davey Dreamnation and his sidekick Scaramouche. before approving the name change, however, Dreamnation insisted on releasing "Helium Parachute" under both monikers, in order to maximise sales. The results were disastrous, with one review of the Heroin Archers album appearing in Stolen Gnome and another review of Bona Fide's album being published in the Catholic Weekly. Disgraced, chagrined and more than a little annoyed, both Heroin Archers and Bona Fide decided to split up, re-form as a super group and then promptly dissolved, like half an aspirin in the glass of our collective forgetting. The end result? You guessed it: double deletion, sadly, for an album no one has ever heard of, or is ever likely to hear from, again.

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